Disorder In The Court is a recent book written by Charles Sevilla who points out the funniest moments in the courtroom.
How funny can it get in the courtroom you would think? Looking into some of the quotes, the puns made during the oath are quite stunning. Also, you start to realize the stupidity in some of the lawyers or prosecutors.
I’ll start from 13 but look out for no. 1 it is the best.
No. 13 Is this a Trick Question?
Lawyer: You were there until the time you left, is this true?
No. 12 Ouch!
Attorney: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?
Witness: He is 20, like your IQ
No. 11 Details should NOT be overlooked
Lawyer: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
Witness: The victim survivesd
No. 10 Numbers? What’s That?
Attorney: How old is your son?
Witness: Probably thirty five or eight?
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years for sure
N0. 9 I mean he wasn’t wrong…
Attorney: Date of birth please?
Witness: July 15th
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.
No. 8 Not Impossible, Just Improbable
Attorney: Doctor while you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Attorney: Blood pressure?
Attorney: Is it possible the patient could have been alive before starting the autopsy?
Attorney: Why the certainty?
Witness: Because his brain was in a jar… (sigh)
Attorney: But still could the patient have been alive?
Witness: Yes of course he is alive and well practicing law.
No. 7 How does memory work again?
Attorney: This picture does it affect your memory?
Attorney: In what ways?
Witness: I tend to start forgetting…
Attorney: Can you give us an example of when you forgot?
No. 6 TOO Responsible
Attorney: ALL Responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
No. 5 The words that come out when you are drunk…
Lawyer: Were the red and blue lights flashing when you took out the defendant?
Lawyer: What were the words of the defendant when she got out of the car?
Trooper: Which club are we in?
No. 4 Nice pun Sir, respect
Lawyer: Doctor was he shot in the woods?
Doctor: No, I said he was shot in the “lumbar” region
No. 3 Complicated questions never end up well
Lawyer 1: When he left, had you gone and had she, for the time being excluding all restraints on her, brought to you, meaning both, with him to the station?
Lawyer 2: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
No. 2 The Answer Goes Round and Round
Attorney: Your first marriage was terminated by what means?
Witness: By death…
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Take a guess. Please.
Finally the funniest of them all!
No. 1 Using the Oath as a perfect reason to make a joke
Lawyer: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–
Witness: Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment.